The Bible preaches that those who sit on the right side of God receive a special place of honor in heaven. That's good and all, but if you want to win The Celebrity Apprentice, you should probably hope you're sitting on Donald Trump's left side. After all, for the past five seasons, Donald's chosen the contestant sitting to his left during the final boardroom as that season's winner. 

"Wait a minute!" you say. "That can't be! Why on earth would production be so stupid to put the winner in the exact same spot, season in and season out? Surely you must be mistaken!" Yeah, I thought the same thing too. But then I watched them all, back to back. And wouldn't you know it - those dopes did in fact do just that!

Let's take a trip through the years, shall we?

[View Season 1 Finale]

[View Season 2 Finale]   

[View Season 3 Finale]

[View Season 4 Finale]

[View Season 5 Finale]

Crazy, huh? 

So will Trace Adkins or Penn Jillette win The All-Star Celebrity Apprentice? Unclear. But you can imagine whomever is sitting to Donald's left has a pretty good shot. 

The two-hour All-Star Celebrity Apprentice finale airs this Sunday at 9/8c.

Back by popular demand, Linda Buchwald (@PataphysicalSci) and I have teamed up to bring you our take on what’s keepin’ it real and what’s faking it each week on SMASH. Follow the 'caps here, or on Linda's site!

First thing’s first. As you probably know by now, word came in late Friday night that NBC has indeed cancelled SMASH. This isn’t a surprise to anyone, but it’s still sad. Mostly because we will never fulfill our dream of playing ourselves on an episode.

The show’s death actually ties in with the theme death on SMASH lately. You have Kyle’s death, obviously. Then, Julia and Tom’s partnership died. Then, our hearts died when we found out in this Buzzfeed article that Jesse L. Martin and Daphne Rubin-Vega signed off on the idea of using Jonathan Larson’s story as an inspiration for Kyle’s story. Because the thing is, they weren’t just inspired by him, they took his life story. And they should know better! But that said, it’s hard to stay mad at SMASH, especially so close to the end, and when they have cameos by Lindsay Mendez and Lin-Manuel Miranda in one episode.

OK guys. We have three episodes left (including this one), and we’re going to make them count. Let’s do this thing!

Back by popular demand, Linda Buchwald (@PataphysicalSci) and I have teamed up to bring you our take on what’s keepin’ it real and what’s faking it each week on SMASH. Follow the 'caps here, or on Linda's site!

When SMASH first started, there was a lot of debate as to where the real world theater line and the fake world theater line would be drawn. Back then, the line was pretty blurry. But theater superfans could easily make adjustments in our heads. Heaven on Earth is at the Shubert, meaning Memphis (and now Matilda) doesn’t exist? Sure. Christian Borle doesn’t exist, but Peter and the Starcatcher still happened? Okay, we can make that adjustment. Catch Me If You Can posters hang in almost every producer office and rehearsal studio around? Doubtful, but we’ll get past it.

Yet deep into this SMASH’s second season, it’s much harder to see where the line is drawn. (We pick apart those fake possible Tony nominees below). And that problem didn’t become clearer than in this week’s episode, “The Phenomenon,” where we learned Hit List bookwriter, Kyle Bishop, had in fact died after last week’s car accident. Suddenly, there was a major outpour from the theater community about Kyle’s brilliance, and a debate about whether or not to go on with Hit List’s evening performance, and talk of a Broadway transfer after all. And yet, NO ONE MENTIONED JONATHAN LARSON ONCE! NOT EVEN ONCE! 

It’s not like they haven’t referenced RENT on SMASH before. Give credit where credit is due, yo!

And sure, Kyle’s death may not follow Jonathan Larson’s story exactly (Larson died of an aortic dissection on RENT’s opening night, not for forgetting to look both ways before crossing the street, a la Bishop). But shit if the after effect wasn’t pretty damn dead on. Down to the eventual staged concert performance. And to have Jesse L. Martin playing the Artistic Director of a New York Theatre Workshop-like theater, with a RENT poster hanging behind him, who NEVER ONCE MENTIONS IT? Bananas.

(We won’t even talk about Daphne Rubin-Vega here because Agnes is kind of the best character on the show and can really do no wrong in our eyes). 

But the biggest problem with “The Phenomenon” was that it tried to make Kyle Bishop just that: a phenomenon. Unfortunately, we never really cared about Kyle enough for that to resonate. Sure, Kyle’s a sweet guy. But were you ever really rooting for his character? Kyle was a doormat, who couldn’t have an idea of his own without checking with 100 people first. He was a terrible bookwriter. He cheated on his boyfriend. Heck, for as much as we rooted for Kyle, even we have to admit we weren’t really moved by his death. We’ll miss Andy Mientus, of course. But cute fanboy Kyle Bishop? Yeah, bye.

Let’s see how the rest of the episode worked itself out...

The Tony nomination committee: Not afraid of 'Virginia Woolf'

If you could take one thing from the the 2013 Tony Award nominations, it's this: the jukebox musical is dead. Well, at least in the eyes of the Tony nominating committee, who snubbed the critically-panned (yet commercially successful) Motown The Musical from the big Best Musical category. In it's place, two new musicals no longer playing on Broadway: Bring it On: The Musical and A Christmas Story, The Musical. An odd choice, if you think about crafting an entertaining television program (there's two musical performances we won't see right there). But in the eyes of many theater criticis like myself, it's the right way to go. Besides, Motown will perform anyway. And they certainly don't need any box office help. 

Motown wasn't the only big snub to talk about. Also high on the snubs list: Bette Midler, missing the Actress in a Play nomination for I’ll Eat You Last: A Chat with Sue Mengers; The Nance, skipped over for Best Play; Matthew James Thomas and Rachel Bay Jones, robbed for their brilliant roles in Pippin; and Alan Cumming, who's one-man Macbeth should have scored him Best Actor in a Play nomination and a Best Revival of a Play nomination. 

But let's not talk snubs. There's a lot of good nominees here, and they deserve some praise. Like the 10 nominations for the outstanding revival of Pippin. Or the 13 nominations for Kinky Boots (the most of any show this year). I'm also personally cheering for all the love for the fabulous (but closed) revival of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. By far my favorite performances this year, I'm really hoping Amy Morton and Tracy Letts swoop in and snatch up those Tonys from leading contenders Cicely Tyson and Tom Hanks. Either way, I'll be Virginia Woolf-like drunk on Tony night, so whatever. 

Take a look at the core nominees and then head over to the Tony Awards site for the rest of the bunch:

Best Musical

• Bring it On: The Musical
• A Christmas Story, The Musical
• Kinky Boots
• Matilda The Musical

Best Play

• The Assembled Parties by Richard Greenberg
• Lucky Guy by Nora Ephron
• The Testament of Mary by Colm Toíbín
• Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike by Christopher Durang

Best Revival Musical

• Annie
• The Mystery of Edwin Drood
• Pippin
• Rodgers + Hammerstein’s Cinderella 

Best Revival Play

• Golden Boy
• Orphans
• The Trip to Bountiful
• Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Actress, Musical 

• Stephanie J. Block – The Mystery of Edwin Drood
• Carolee Carmello – Scandalous
• Valisia LeKae – Motown The Musical
• Patina Miller – Pippin
• Laura Osnes – Rodgers + Hammerstein’s Cinderella

Featured Actress, Musical

• Annaleigh Ashford  – Kinky Boots
• Victoria Clark  – Rogers + Hammerstein’s Cinderella
• Andrea Martin – Pippin
• Keala Settle – Hands on a Hardbody
• Lauren Ward – Matilda The Musical

Actor, Musical

• Bertie Carvel – Matilda The Musical
• Santino Fontana – Rodgers + Hammerstein’s Cinderella
• Rob McClure – Chaplin
• Billy Porter – Kinky Boots
• Stark Sands – Kinky Boots

Featured Actor, Musical

• Charl Brown – Motown The Musical
• Keith Carradine – Hands on a Hardbody
• Will Chase – The Mystery of Edwin Drood
• Gabriel Ebert – Matilda The Musical
• Terrence Mann – Pippin

Actress, Play

• Laurie Metcalf – The Other Place
• Amy Morton – Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf
• Kristine Nielsen – Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike
• Holland Taylor – Ann
• Cicely Tyson – The Trip to Bountiful

Featured Actress, Play

• Carrie Coon  – Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf
• Shalita Grant – Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike
• Judith Ivey – The Heiress
• Judith Light  – The Assembled Parties
• Condola Rashad  – The Trip to Bountiful

Actor, Play

• Tom Hanks – Lucky Guy
• Nathan Lane – The Nance
• Tracy Letts – Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf
• David Hyde Pierce – Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike
• Tom Sturridge – Orphans

Featured Actor, Play

• Danny Burstein  – Golden Boy
• Richard Kind – The Big Knife
• Billy Magnussen  – Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike
• Tony Shalhoub – Golden Boy
• Courtney B. Vance  – Lucky Guy 

Back by popular demand, Linda Buchwald (@PataphysicalSci) and I have teamed up to bring you our take on what’s keepin’ it real and what’s faking it each week on SMASH. Follow the 'caps here, or on Linda's site!

After three good episodes in a row, the momentum was bound to wear off eventually. And it did this week with a mediocre episode, “The Producers.” We’re totally onboard with the fact that this show is still dealing with realistic issues like how to sell tickets to Bombshell and keep it open until the Tonys. And how to get producers to invest in Hit List. But this episode focused a lot on Jimmy. And as much as we love Jeremy Jordan, we’re pretty much over Jimmy as a character. Plus, we found out this week that Linda the stage manager will be gone for the rest of the season! It’s like SMASH hates us! 

Late to the game because I spent the day buried in work. But HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS! The Downton Abbey Musical spoof, from director John Walton West with music and lyrics by Jason Michael Snow, is everything a viral video should be and more. Pitch perfect casting (Catherine Charlebois! Alison Cimmet! John Bolton! Christiane Noll) + pitch perfect parody ("I don't suppose he broke his feet jumping off the bandwagon" "She never seems to look as good as her sisters... but one of them is dead now, so...")  = everything (seriously, I've watched it four times this evening in a row, with a giant smile on my face). 

Since 54 Below has 100 different events every single month, can we please get a live performance sometime soon? PRETTY PLEASE?

Also, while we're making wishes, since Jeremy Jordan won't have to worry about SMASH next season, can we get him onDownton Abbey instead? 

Back by popular demand, Linda Buchwald (@PataphysicalSci) and I have teamed up to bring you our take on what’s keepin’ it real and what’s faking it each week on SMASH. Follow the 'caps here, or on Linda's site!

We may base a big part of our Reality Index on SMASH’s major missteps. But believe it or not, we much prefer the show to make the right choices. Which is why when an episode like tonight’s “Opening Night” comes along, we actually feel pretty damn good. Because there were far more “Totally True” moments than “Oh Hell No!” errors. And when there’s an episode with Leo in it, and we’re not even really mad about it, you know SMASH is doing something right. 

This episode had everything that makes SMASH actually good when it’s good: memorable musical numbers, legitimate conflicts, and actual realistic glimpses at the behind the scenes of theater. Sure, there were still some ridiculous moments, but overall, we couldn’t be happier with how this episode played out. Read on to see why. 

Harvey Fierstein was a guest on Bravo's Watch What Happens Live last night, and among the T he spilled about Hairspray, Independence Day, and some of his famous Broadway and film co-stars was a little diddy about what he's working on next. While Harvey was mum on the details, he did say that he's writing a new musical with his Newsies team, Alan Menken and Jack Feldman. Fingers crossed for Newsies 2: The Quest for Patrick!

Of course, full video of the episode isn't available online - and like a total dope, I deleted the hell out of it right after I watched it (what! my DVR gets full pretty damn fast!). But I'm recording the hell out of that re-air at 3am tomorrow, so I'll update the blog with the official clip when I can. Until then you'll just have to believe me, okay? I PROMISE HE SAID IT!

What is available online are some pretty great video of the live-aftershow. You even get to see Kinky Boots star Annaleigh Ashford (who was "bartending") talk about her favorite theater role (hint hint: it's not that awful character she played in Dogfight). Harvey also has a pretty great moment where he tells his co-guest, Bravolebrity Kim Zolciak (The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Don't Be Tardy...), that she needs a Jewish friend. "Good luck finding one in Atlanta..." It was pretty awesome. 

Excited to hear Harvey, Alan, and Jack are working together again? Curious what it is? Let's take bets in the comments!

Back by popular demand, Linda Buchwald (@PataphysicalSci) and I have teamed up to bring you our take on what’s keepin’ it real and what’s faking it each week on SMASH. Follow the 'caps here, or on Linda's site!

It’s really too bad that NBC decided to move SMASH to Saturday nights right when the show was getting good. Last week, we were pleasantly surprised with the direction the show was going, and this week’s episode “The Dress Rehearsal” continued to present us with poignant conflicts and smart creative decisions. The Bombshell crew debated cancelling a first preview after a rough invited dress - and wondered what impact that might have on their ticket sales. Derek made significant structural changes to Hit List that created dynamic, exciting dramatic action. And Ivy made a controversial acting choice that added a bit of edge to Bombshell we never thought we’d see! We love when SMASH shows us more of the creative process than the nonsensical personal lives of the cast. Now if only we could get NBC to show us previews for next week again!

Hit List and Bombshell came to a head when The New York Times published its article “Iconoclash: Marilyn’s Past Meets Marilyn’s Present.” The article compared how the two shows “explore the power and the price of transformation,” eventually settling that “The difference is while Bombshell rakes over the past, Hit List opens our eyes to the present and the inevitable future." We’re not sure we agree with that end result, seeing the nonsense that we’ve seen from Hit List so far. But Hit List will certainly be on the fast track to Broadway now (which is plausible, since that’s what happened to Once last year). And as we’ve been saying all season, they’re certain to go up against each other at the fake Tonys.

Only 6 more episodes, people. Let’s do this:

Back by popular demand, Linda Buchwald (@PataphysicalSci) and I have teamed up to bring you our take on what’s keepin’ it real and what’s faking it each week on SMASH. Follow the 'caps here, or on Linda's site!

Every once and awhile, we have to give the SMASH writers props for getting an episode right. And while “The Surprise Party” was by no means perfect, we’ll give them kudos for actually finding a common theme in all the storylines that not only made sense, but was worth exploring. Surprise, indeed!

The topic on this week’s agenda? Professionalism. Where do you draw the line between working, dating, and friendship? Should they be mutually exclusive? Tom struggled with the fact that Ivy couldn’t be friends with him anymore, at least not while he was directing her. Karen wanted Jimmy to go public with their relationship. Old feelings started to stir up between Julia and Scott. Richard didn’t want Eileen’s work to get in the way of their dating. There were no easy answers to any of these conflicts because everyone had valid reasons for their actions. Sometimes people date and work together and they have long happy lives together. Other times it all goes to shit. These are questions that not only matter in theater, but really, in any work environment.

In the end, Karen and Jimmy decided they’re willing to take that risk, even if it means the wrath of Derek. Tom and Ivy decided to keep things professional, even if it means missing out on the fun times now and then. Julia and Scott decided to give things a go, even if it means hurting an already fragile relationship. And Richard and Eileen decided to take things slow, even if it means... not fucking for awhile. For possibly the first time this season, we’re intrigued to see where things go from here! (More-so with the Julia and Scott sex, and less so with the Eileen and Richard sex).

Plus this episode gave us Liza! How can you go wrong with that!?!

Here’s how it all played out: